Ranting Post, Number 1

Alright, this is my second post, though technically, the real first. Who knows what will really come of this because, even though I write all the time, I don't really write journal or diary entries, more if I feel I need to vent something or a story idea, and because I'm odd, I do so by the means of handwritten garble in notebooks. So I don't post much on the net like this. Well actually that's a bit of a lie, since I do the above occassional blurbs on my LiveJournal account, which I've had for what seems like forever. And I vaguely remember having one of these Blogs a thousand years ago, but like I said, it was like before High School, 4+ years, so all in all, its good to be back in the system. My sister Steph, as I just found out, has one of these, focused on her life, which is basically her and her husband Jon (who is awesome without even trying, a plus in every situation).

Well, its summer, and all that its been for me is a big long haul of nothingness really. Which is a shame, because all of that is my fault. I feel far too much than anyone should, to be an unmotivated slacker. I think 99% of the world is crap, and the only precious thing to me lately has been music, and even more that half of it is crap anyways, but through all the sludge, there is small, gleeming lights of greatness, which myself and many others have grabbed onto, and held up to our ears like our lives depended on it (which at times, in the past present and future, our lives do). I sometimes almost always think that people were just nuts when they talked about music with such reverence, but now, I get it. And I'm not even sure how, or mostly, why, but I'm willing to embrace it more than fight it. Even now, in the small gap between the end of my high school years and the hot, long summer, I'm feeling myself growing, even though in too many aspects I'm still staying still. Life's full of a gazillion ebbs and flows, some huge and eventful, but 99% of them tiny and strange, but always meaningful. Goal of a lifetime: improve the life you're living. Despite uninevitably doing so often, try not to stand still, and try to always grow and evolve, but not change. You'll become to detatched to what makes you you, and that is even worse that the greatest act of still silence in life.
You can't be defined by life or the people in it, and for that matter even yourself. The moment you do so, you limit yourself more that defining yourself. And that's what makes a person's natural evolution so important, it keeps it from becoming nothing more that just mindless copied souless crap. Being true makes anything and everything true and amazing, and for that matter, something special in a world where, I believe, has lost its way. That's why you can never trust it, but why you can, and should, really trust yourself. But another fear is to become to idealistic in yourself and not rely on anyone. Its the strange ballence between the two. If you become too self centered and too egoistic, you stop evolving once again and focus on everything that is damaging to that sort of thing. You have to be willing to admit you're mortal and can't do it alone and give yourself up to a greater power. And where does music come into all this. Well, I could never give the ultimate answer, because there simply isn't one. Let's just for now, call it the ever changing soundtrack to life.

End of Rant.