Unstructured Poem.

I'm not a cinic. I'm not even an anything. I take my time in doing things that have to do with anything related to the heart. I must let myself mull over any situation, even if its for 2 minutes or 2 hours, no matter how long it takes. But by doing this, will I sometimes miss opportunities? This doesn't seem fair, yet that's the whole thing. All time wasted is ultimatly time lost, even if you never meant to loose it in the first place. I claim that I'm a person of impulse, but those are only the times of quick thinking and really wanting something. Tonight, I'm genunally sad. And afterwards, and even at this very moment, I just don't care to put on a mask, to pretent I'm happy or moved on, because I haven't. I've got to mourn this one. But even so my personality prevailed on one account, but I felt that every and any second I was ready to burst. And that's how I feel on so many occasions, but I usually always seem to prevail, at times when I am more than ever thankful for my quiet nature and ability to keep thoughts in order, even if it may feel a bit like torture, I would rather torture myself than harm anyone else. But I subtlely let my sadness be known, and as I expressed this, I felt like crying. But yet again, kept in check. And I didn't turn and say goodbye, and I let my sadness be known. No comfort can be found in a text, and even if I recieved something more, I wouldn't accept this help. And I for only a sliver of myself want someone to care and fix this blemish, but in getting what I know I desire, I would be hurting someone else, someone else who wants what I want, but more so, so they deserve it more than me, and It's completely selfish of me to want what I now don't have. The worst part: I cannot blame anyone but myself---she did exactly what I told her to, though I didn't know what I was giving up until I lost it. In a sick way, I'm still not sorry, I'm just incredibly sad. I'm so used to full reign over my sis, I'm selfish in thinking I get her all the time. We aren't teenagers anymore with no one else in the world to look after but eachother. I'm just not used to this, change, time has gone by. I feel like I'm in a rut. I haven't grown up. Years have passed but I still expect things to not change. I've just realized this tonight. And what has started off as a crappy week has only continued to fall into more crap. Is it the weather, is it me? Is it...something else I can blame? It's me, all me.