Better Off Dead...

SHELLYi bombed a humanities test last week, so i feel ya
ROWANhow do you like humanities
SHELLYits way interesting, though the class just is..odd
have you ever seen the movie better off dead?
ROWAN
um yeah
SHELLYwell its like that
ROWAN
in what ways
SHELLY
i took it cause you know it looked interesting, which it is, but its like that scene where they're in the math class
ROWAN
ah yes
sucks for you
SHELLY
and everyone seems to be so into it and adore the teacher, and im like john cusack
ROWAN
lol
SHELLY
im like i just hope i freakin pass and im looking at everyone like are you serious?
so yeah, its good, but im feeling john cusacky
which doesn't suck, but its strange to feel like you're living in a 80s movie
ROWAN
you should try to add that word to the dictionary
SHELLY
cusacky?
ROWAN
yup
with that exact definition
itll be funny
SHELLY
haha, im so glad you appriciate this
ROWAN
im just glad its not me


Yay Rowan. And yay John Cusack. For being awesome. And John Cusack.

On A Random Note...

He is SO my favorite. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. John Frusciante.

Unstructured Poem.

I'm not a cinic. I'm not even an anything. I take my time in doing things that have to do with anything related to the heart. I must let myself mull over any situation, even if its for 2 minutes or 2 hours, no matter how long it takes. But by doing this, will I sometimes miss opportunities? This doesn't seem fair, yet that's the whole thing. All time wasted is ultimatly time lost, even if you never meant to loose it in the first place. I claim that I'm a person of impulse, but those are only the times of quick thinking and really wanting something. Tonight, I'm genunally sad. And afterwards, and even at this very moment, I just don't care to put on a mask, to pretent I'm happy or moved on, because I haven't. I've got to mourn this one. But even so my personality prevailed on one account, but I felt that every and any second I was ready to burst. And that's how I feel on so many occasions, but I usually always seem to prevail, at times when I am more than ever thankful for my quiet nature and ability to keep thoughts in order, even if it may feel a bit like torture, I would rather torture myself than harm anyone else. But I subtlely let my sadness be known, and as I expressed this, I felt like crying. But yet again, kept in check. And I didn't turn and say goodbye, and I let my sadness be known. No comfort can be found in a text, and even if I recieved something more, I wouldn't accept this help. And I for only a sliver of myself want someone to care and fix this blemish, but in getting what I know I desire, I would be hurting someone else, someone else who wants what I want, but more so, so they deserve it more than me, and It's completely selfish of me to want what I now don't have. The worst part: I cannot blame anyone but myself---she did exactly what I told her to, though I didn't know what I was giving up until I lost it. In a sick way, I'm still not sorry, I'm just incredibly sad. I'm so used to full reign over my sis, I'm selfish in thinking I get her all the time. We aren't teenagers anymore with no one else in the world to look after but eachother. I'm just not used to this, change, time has gone by. I feel like I'm in a rut. I haven't grown up. Years have passed but I still expect things to not change. I've just realized this tonight. And what has started off as a crappy week has only continued to fall into more crap. Is it the weather, is it me? Is it...something else I can blame? It's me, all me.

Birthday!

I'm now 19. I'm old. But I had a good time and awesome gifts! Thanks family!

Pushing Daisies Season 1 DVD
The Beatles Let It Be CD
Star Wars Episode VI A New Hope DVD
Wayne's World & Wayne's World 2: The Shwing! Shwing! 2 For One Pack (Excellent!)




Wayne's World, Wayne's World, It's Party Time, Excellent!!!




Yeah, and monkeys might fly out my butt!



....Yeah, okay I'm a little obsessed, but chah, I'm okay with that.

and my homework was, and still is highly neglected...yay......

Dennis.

Dennis. My lovely little blue phone. That I got about a little more than a year ago, give a little more time. The one with the name written on the back in brown Sharpie. And has the fish stickers that I got from Alex last year in Photography class. I named him after the guitarist of Flogging Molly (Dennis Casey). The name was already cool beforehand because of Monty Python ("Kneel." "Dennis!"). And he might be dead. Forever. And it’s my fault too. I am so sad. And now depressed. I swear I must have some very strange like attachment issues. I wouldn't necessarily consider myself an emotional person, but I guess I'm "sensitive" (I mean I love animals and all and I have a zero tolerance rate for any kind of gore. And I cry at Edward Scissorhands every single freaking time) and I get attached to things at times, especially when I name them and pretty much call them my own. And now Dennis might be dead. And I'm not ready for him to die. If I have to get a replacement, I don't think I could rename it anything else, so I might have to call it "Dennis the II" or Dennis for short. But I won't know until I go to the store tomorrow. Still sad.

(NOTE: cross-posted to my lifejournal, but that might not be relivent information. if so, ignore said info)

I'm Dumb

College is great. No worries. I am tired. But working in the learning sense makes me feel happy. And one day late Happy Birthday to Steph!!!

I am currently reading two books. "Looking For Alaska" by John Green. (Nerdfighters!) And "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Geinus" by Dave Eggers. Both so far are a treat. I am super impressed with John's handy work in particular. I must go work on homework now. And as always, the Chili Peppers rock my socks. Take that as you will.

Alright, let's be honest...

...I am scared of college. Though scared isn't even really the right word. I think I simply just am feeling not ready. I just had a dream where I was in high school and sitting hanging out with friends and memorible other seniors and we were all having fun at a resterant I think it was. We were all loud and very proud of that and singing to eachother chants across the room, it was all a good time. And then we all got up and left and then I realized how much I would miss all them and miss all of this. In reality, I just don't think I've let it go yet and that's why I haven't been enthusiastic about college. I was denying why or just not looking at why I was feeling that way, but this is why. And the hardest thing is I know that isn't not the actual high school I miss (if I went there, "looking" for whatever I feel I'm missing, I would never find it there) but its the people and experiences of crazy bizzarly fun adolesent high school stuff. I know It's strange to say you're old at 18, but it seems like I should be like Pennie Lane and be retired. I feel like I already have a big experation date and am just washed out (though I know the opposite is true). I have much more to live for and its only the begining of life, really. But, I am absolutly terrified, and I'm not letting myself know it. Which is bad--its bad to stifle yourself like this, and I do it without even realizing it. I think I need to chill and get focused and have fun. And listen to Steph when she says Sierra is like High School number 2. But I'm still scared. Pray all this comes back to normal full circle as the first day of Sierra starts on Monday, Aug. 25th. 3 days away...